The other day a girlfriend of mine told me I should keep my options open when it came to dating. This struck me as incredibly odd. I have been in a committed relationship for 3 years now. The relationship is good and my Sir does nothing but encourage me in positive pursuits and helps me to be a better person. He has a great job, loves animals, stays fit, and doesn’t do drugs. Why would I need to “keep my options open”? I feel like my relationship with my Sir is like driving a Mercedes and she is dangling keys to a Kia in front of me saying I should take it for a test drive; you know…keep my options open.
I spent the next few days pondering this statement of hers, desperately trying to understand why she would want me to sabotage a perfectly happy and healthy relationship with “options”. She is single and struggling to navigate the world of online dating and turning situationships into real connections. Perhaps it's the “crabs in a bucket” mentality. She wants to pull me down to her level. Perhaps on some level she is resentful of my happiness and wants some company in her misery. Perhaps it’s because that is her mindset and mantra at the moment and she can’t see past that to understand I’m in a completely different place than her. Her rules don’t apply to me any longer. I don’t know, and quite honestly, I don’t think she even realizes how damaging those four words can be. If I was less self aware, those four words might get into my head, make me question everything, cause me to cheat on my man, destroy what I have spent years building.
Thankfully, I am not that shallow or weak. I see it for what it is and to that end I offer advice to you ladies. If you are in a happy and healthy relationship, stop looking at other “options”. Put that energy into keeping your man happy. If you are single and you want that happy relationship that your friend has, don’t talk to her about options. Ask her what YOU need to do to get the same kind of happiness. If you are single, it’s probably your own fault. Have you done the work to get over bad relationships in your past? Have you done the work to fix personality flaws like “I only speak in sarcasm” or are very needy and clingy? Do you put work and pride into your personal appearance? Do you strive to stay fit and healthy? If you are unsure about any of these things, you probably need to work on yourself before you can work on getting into a happy and healthy relationship.
I was single for many years and I will be the first to admit I had work to do on myself. I had to get past the hurt and bad relationships from my past. I had to learn to dress better to accentuate my figure. I had to freshen my look with a new hairstyle and upgrade my makeup. I did the work, but more importantly, I’m STILL doing the work because no one is perfect and I will be the first to acknowledge that I have flaws and I can be better. I want to be better. You should too.
Stop telling your friends to keep their options open and instead support them in their choices. That is your best option.