I get a fair amount of guys slipping into my DM’s and most of them are really bad Doms. They literally think because I am a sub, I should submit to them. No, sir. You got this all wrong. Just because I am a submissive, does not mean I am YOUR submissive and there is absolutely no reason why I should submit to you.
Submission is a gift and should be treated as such. A good Dom knows this and will treat you with respect. Before submitting to anyone, there needs to be trust. You need to feel comfortable. There are many situations, especially if breath play is involved where you are literally putting your life into another person’s hands. You absolutely must trust them that they will take you to your edge and bring you back safely. A Dom/sub relationship must be mutually beneficial to both parties. If you feel uncomfortable with any aspect, don’t do it. You don’t have to. If your Dom doesn’t respect your boundaries, find another Dom who will.
You are a submissive, not a doormat.
To build trust, there needs to be a vetting process. A rapport between you and the Dom. Find out likes and dislikes. Make sure your kinks are compatible. Ask questions. Why did their last sub leave? Are there red flags? Do they have anger issues? I cannot stress this part enough. Your Dom must never approach you in anger! He is a Dom. He must be in control of his emotions if he is to be trusted to control you. Unless it’s part of your kink and your Dom is aware this is your kink, they should not call you names or humiliate you in any way. If you constantly feel defensive or have your feelings hurt, walk away.
Once you have trust, you can then proceed with the relationship. Make no mistake, whether it’s just a role play text / long distance / virtual relationship or a person you meet in real life, it is a relationship.
You have a safe word. Use it when you have to. If your Dom does not respect it and doesn’t immediately stop and see what you need at that moment, he is a bad Dom. Walk away.
In summation, being a submissive doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat. You give your power to your Dom and if he abuses that power, take it back. You are ultimately in control. Choose wisely.